either way he was missing a nipple.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
