the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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