he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't turn off my feet"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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