i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize