btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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