SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
