Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
