Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
