you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
