The maid of honor just puked.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
