i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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