Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
