Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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