he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
