508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize