oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In America we eat man semen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
