i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
