dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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