bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
