Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
