You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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