I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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