i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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