I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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