I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
