i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
