Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
