Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
