so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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