I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I want a musical about memes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
