Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
