I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
