girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was like eating out sand paper
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize