Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
