I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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