All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
