Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
