We won't sleep together?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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