I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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