I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize