wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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