im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
