I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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