she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
