I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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