i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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