I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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