is your mom at the bar?
That's intense
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
