my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
