My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
