If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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