How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
