well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize