He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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