In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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