I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
