there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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