Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
