just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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