All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
