Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
