1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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