We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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