We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize