I'm gonna have a badass scar
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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