Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
