just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
