weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
