dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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