My friends, they love my intelligence
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize