i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
