we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
