I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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