it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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