But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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