meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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