yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
