I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
