dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
