you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize