My friends, they love my intelligence
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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