Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I AM VODKA MAN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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